This past week a friend met me for lunch at this local dive. It was perfect being that I brought my kids and they were aloud to be themselves without getting to many stares. All was going well until our server came to the table. She looked a bit rough around the edges, one would say. She was extremely polite, friendly, and very helpful. The lunch took a bumpy turn for the worse when she was having such a great time chatting it up with my kids. I have no probably with interaction with my precious ones, but when you start to rial them up and leave me with the mess to deal with, this is when I have issues.
Every time this server came to my table, she left having my kids so excited they were doing the laughing/scream. (you moms know what I am talking about.) She egged them on, by touching them, messing up my son's hair, pinching their cheeks, etc. Meanwhile as this professional waitress was having a field day with my children, I politely kept asking my kids to knock it off and keep it down. The more I demanded manners and respect from my kids, the worse my children acted. The server took ZERO clues from me and my requests and kept fanning the flame by having them act worse.
I thought about time outs,threats, and promises, but then I thought that if I punished my children for their ill behavior, then have the scene repeat itself over and over again, what would be the point? Here is this complete stranger confusing my children to misbehave! So I chose to let it go. Obnoxious is my name, but I am a very nice person almost to a fault. I put myself into a situation where I decided to be uncomfortable and not voice my want of this weird stranger to quit touching my kids and having them act like Jo Jo the circus monkey all day.
After they finished, I practically ran out of there. Even when I was checking out, this wacko server followed us to the cashier station and kept playing with my adorable children. That has NEVER happened to me. I couldn't have left quick enough, but as I was gathering my belongings, I wondered if I should say something to her or to her manager?
I decided to take the gracious route and leave without complaint. Being that it is hard times all around and people are desperate for work everywhere. I just chose to not go back to this particular establishment. Frankly, it sucks for the owner because I am not going to be a returning customer. She was harmless and did her job. I just didn't appreciate her interaction with my children.
So I pose this question to you. What would you have done in my shoes? Would you have complained to the manager? Would you have told this weird chick to keep her hands off your children? (mind you she is overseeing food back and forth from a kitchen to your table... where some secret sauce could easily plopped on my plate) OR Would you say nothing as I did in this situation?
30 comments:
I wanna know what kinda tip you left her!! I would of left her zip!! No, a penny thats even worse.
How freaky to take such an interest. I've never had that happen, they usually avoid my table all together.
I left her 15 percent. We were the ONLY people there. I am sure she scares EVERYONE away, but I don't want her to go hungry. LOL
Ok so you have to tell me where sometime so I know not to go there. Sounds horrible. I probably would've done the samething.-Brandi
You did the right thing. Maybe she doesn't have kids, and has no idea what she was doing to you.
Any mom worth her salt knows that bringing multiple children to a restaurant is like sitting on a powder keg. You hope for the best, and hope nobody lights the fuse.
The funny part is, she probably thought she was helping you by entertaining your kids.
I would never say anything. I would just reconsider a return trip. It's obvious she doesn't have kids because if she did she would get it.
Well I am a "touch me not" seriously I'm not a hugger at all - besides my husband of course! ;) I will shake hands however, but I need my personal space.
So I think I would have gotten really annoyed and asked her to stop. You said that she was touching your kids hair and faces which to me is crossing a boundary unless you are a close friend.
It really annoys me when random people from church come up and grab my 6 month old daughter's hands and face. Seriously people! I know they just want to tell me how adorable she is but I don't like people touching her. So that's my reasoning behind saying something.
May I just say 15%...WOW you are kind!
Oh. my. gosh. I feel your pain. I had a similiar experience while waiting (for 2hrs mind you!) in the dentist office about 3 weeks ago. This weirdo woman (she had to be in her 70's) wearing daisy dukes (I swear! I'm NOT making this stuff up.) Anyway, she kept running across the room to 'play' with my already inpatient 4-year-old. It was sooo getting on my nerves! I was about to loose my mind! I didn't know who I should be mad at: the crazy old lady, my kid, or the stupid dentist for making me wait over 2 hrs past my appointment time. I just got up and walked out. Slamming the door behind me...that made me feel a little better :)
I used to wait tables and we had a server (childless, of course) who behaved the same way. She would also sit down (SIT DOWN!) and chat with adults at their tables too. She really thought she was just being friendly, but it was annoying and creepy. People would request a different server and - if she recognized them - she'd STILL go over and start long and inappropriate conversations. If they smiled and nodded, that was enough. "those people LOVE me!!!"
All that ranting and I didn't answer your question at all. I would have spoken with my tip and not returned.
I used to wait tables and would NEVER EVER dream of acting that way. Most servers would bring home 100 a night, I'd be up near the 200 mark.
I'd get the police, CHP, and Fire dept.
We'd laugh, joke, and if I left that place, they'd find me at another establishment. I'd get pulled over on the freeway, (If I worked nights) the CHP would follow me to make sure I got home OK.
I LOVED waitressing!
Then you have the creepy ones.. LOL. we had a few..and usually they didn't last long. YUCK
i would have sent my kids to go find her when she left the table.
one trip into the kitchen with riled up kids trailing behind her?
she'd certainly get the point...or at least a chastising from her manager.
but i'm kind of nasty like that.
andy:)
I own a restaurant and I would have wanted you to point out that they were all riled up from her antics so I could prevent it. She probably was just having fun with them and didn't realize it. You could have said "I know you guys are having fun but they get hyped up easily and it is hard to calm them down so please chill"
We have a server who talks baby talk to kids and annoys people and I have to get onto her a lot
I probably would have done the same thing as you and just sucked it up. I'm sure she is clueless and thought she was being charming to a captive audience.
I do however think it's cool that you left her the tip. I worked as a server for many years and you get taxed on tips (percentage of sales) whether you get them or not. Even though she sucked it would be like making her pay to serve you. I think if service is absolutely horrible and you feel justified in leaving no tip then you should speak to the manager and tell them why you are not leaving a tip. The truth is that people are not mind readers. If you don't tell them why you are not leaving a tip, they'll just think you're a cheap jerk, not "oh I must have done something wrong."
I don't like people touching my kids either, so I can feel your pain. I WOULD have personally threatened my kids in front of her, to make her feel guilty.I do not let strangers get in the way of my dicipline, then it teaches my kids that mom is a pushover in front of strangers or guests. don't get me wrong I am not one of those moms screaming at my kids at the store,but I am not afraid of being stern when I need to. I also think she probably thought she was doing you a favor...honestly I think I would be more upset if there was a rude server who became irritated with my kids..you know those servers who roll their eyes or make weird faces at kids like they are aliens? LOL have a great weekend honey!
I don't play well with others, so I would have told her with my mind power to back the F off,.. and knowing my kids they would have looked at her like she was a looney Toon,..
I'd use the "I'm trying to teach my kids not to talk to strangers" line to see if she got the hint. Then again I don't have kid so I'm the wrong person to ask. Regardless, you were way nicer than I'd have been.
I probably would have done what you did exactly. I am not a complainer most of the time. I have had people do the same thing to my kids(it's usually an old guy), and it is frustrating. I try to make it feel better to my brain by telling myself that it might be the only happy part of his day. Anyway, that really does suck.
I'm kind of in the "say nothing" camp. Especially when it comes to food service. I just don't want to take chances.
Also, when things like this happen, I tend to try to come up with an explanation in my own mind of why this happened. I'm sure I'm usually way off, but it helps me not be so upset about it.
For example, here, I would have come up with the story that this nice lady just found out she can't have kids and she was enjoying getting to see your cuties and having them appreciate her. Or something. I dunno. It sounds lame now that I type it out, but that's usually what I do.
I too would probably have said nothing, especially since this woman was handling food. It it was another type of establishment I would have been more likely to open my mouth. Please share where you were eating, as you are not too far from me and I would like to avoid this place at all costs!
Only because of a fear that she could sabotage our food, I wouldn't have necessarily complained to the manager, I would have maybe said out loud to my kids, loud so the server from hell could hear me: "ok, kids, enough goofing off, it's time to sit still." If server doesn't get the idea, I would have to just be patient and bite tongue til we left. Now, that being said, the only tip this server would get from me is a note scribbled on a napkin, such as "never eat yellow snow" or "never pee into the wind", or "keep your creepy paws off my kids!"..and I would just never go back. Thanks for sharing your story!
I would say nothing.
And talk to the kids about it in the car.
I used to work with a girl like this when I waited tables. She was trying desperately to get pregnant and I think the stress and desire really got the best of her.
I also have an aunt like this, one who lost both of her children when she was going thru a really rough time.
So, you did the right thing. It's annoying as hell but who knows what was going on in her head. She was weird, but not in a harmful way. I know the minute that it would have turned you would have Flipped The Eff Out and left.
I probably would have kept quiet to her directly, but would have spoken to my kids with her nearby in a louder voice. "Okay kids, she's fun but lets remember that we're working on our restaurant behavior. Who can tell me what good manners are?!?" Kind of like, hey lady, you gettin' this???
I wouldn't have said anything. She was trying to be friendly - she just didn't know how to do it!
I think I would have had to have said something.
Maybe a lie.
I don't know.
Something like, "Oh please don't touch my children--they have recently been diagnosed with igggypetationitus and will have a seizures if overexcited. The doctor says its genetic."
I dunno.
I'm pretty uncomfortable with complete strangers touching my children PERIOD...and I really do have a problem just saying, "Um, NO. Could you NOT do that" to anyone's face.
Stupid southern upbringing.
We tend to just fib our way to happiness:P
<3 sarasophia
I am like you I would have said nothing and just kept grinning till I got out of there! LOL
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It bothers me to no end when people egg my kid on. I had to tell off some family members for doing that at a restaurant a while back. It drives me batty when I am discipling my kid and telling him to behave at the table, and others keep pushing the issue or tell me how to parent. We only go to a few restaurants and we know the staff and no one has ever attempted that. Since I am never one to keep my mouth shut. I would have taken the waitress aside and asked her nicely not to kid around with the children. As long as you are polite I think it wouldn't be an issue. I would worry about what bodily fluids would get into my dinner after that though. Take care.
-Kiki
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I think she was just trying to make the kids happy...we had a waitress offer our two year old a lollipop when we first got the the table....HELLO now my kid won't eat! I chalked it up to, she was trying to be nice, but has no clue on kids lol.
I probably would have done the same as you....I wouldn't have said anything, but tried to hint. She probably thought she was being nice and must love kids. But, she probably doesn't know the "boundary rules" of that. It's cool to go up to others kids, comment on how cute they are, get down to their level, say hi...then you are done and have a job to do. She is apparantly one of those people that can't take a hint, but she's not a mean person....and doesn't deserve to lose her job over it.
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